Failure is the reason I keep going.
Yet another rejection deadline has passed, and in the publishing world no news is bad news. The frustration is strong, and I want to throw in the towel- but that just leads to more laundry!
It seems as if everything I do is like banging my head on a brick wall- it gets me nowhere and it hurts! I know I have potential… I just can’t get others to see it! So I begin to make a list of motivation- what gets me to press on when I feel like I’m sinking? Failure.
Yes, failure. And its impending threat from someone ready to point it out.
I once worked tirelessly to earn a national designation simply because a professor told me I couldn’t. I swam the length of an Olympic-size pool because a classmate doubted me.
This seems to be a common path for me. I fear being a failure. When the threat of failing is clear and present something in me turns up the desire for success. And when there is a person ready to point the “I told you so” finger at me it escalates even more!
So, after this recent round of rejection I told my beloved I was giving up. I just don’t seem to have what it takes. I had come to grips with it- I have had other dreams I’ve left behind, and this dream of writing will go down as an “I tried.” And the words of the past came blaring in like an incoming tornado, leaving a wake of motivation behind: “You’ll never make it.”
Those words seem to plague me all too often. Many of my previous posts have included them, I think. Yet tonight as I stood facing this most recent rejection I heard them in a different tone. A challenge. A dare.
“You’ll never be good enough” will become a personal challenge instead of a weight on my shoulders. This place of failure has dropped so perfectly in my timeline as to become a mantra for the next six month publishing timespan. Paul says that suffering or trouble leads to perseverance, character, and ultimately hope. (Rom 5:3-5). Trouble has come, perseverance is now, and character is coming. Let this next writing period become the development of character.
Failure may not be my choice, but it certainly motivates me to go after my hearts desires.