Temper Tantrums of Love

“I can’t calm down unless I can see you! I need you, mommy!”

That was the screams of my six year old this evening. He was sent to his room to calm down after yelling and screaming over a little piece of candy before dinner. When he gets so upset about things he forgets to listen. And so I have tried my best to not get into a yelling match, but rather lead him to his room so he can calm himself so that we can discuss this. If you are a mom you can probably picture the scene: he screams as if I am torturing him, I am red faced from holding back my own yelling, and everyone else in the house begins hiding.

In reality, my son simply needs to calm down before he will understand a word I say. And I also need this separation so that I can think about how to explain to him what I don’t like about his behavior. This is not easy! He often continues to scream out in anger for a few minutes before he changes to screams of loneliness and fear. That’s when I hear things like, “I need you here with me!” “But I love you mom, and I just want you to come near me so I can calm down.”  Its difficult to not give in when I hear this, but in an effort to teach him to self-soothe I fight my urge to run in and scoop him into my arms. My maternal instinct is to grab him in my arms and cry with him so that his little heart calms.

After tonight’s particular round of events I caught myself thinking, “Is this what God thinks of me when I go on a rant?” I can look back on the past and see this situation happening between me and God. You see, I get mad. I throw fits and yell over little things. I even get irrational by telling God how I think it should be. And when He doesn’t give in I begin to look around and think He has left me. So, though I know he is near, my cries become desperate attempts to find Him with little result. Eventually my emotions calm down and I begin to seek Him in the correct way- in church, in His word, in obeying His call even when I don’t know how. And suddenly He is there. I can feel His presence again. And just like my baby boy does to me, I find myself snuggled in His lap making up for the lost time I spent away from Him.

I wonder if He sees me like I see my child. I wonder if he is frustrated to the point that he has to let me calm myself so that he can speak clearly to me. I wonder if my cries generate a desire to scoop me up, but he waits until I am ready. I’d like to think that my maternal instincts are one of the qualities he gave me “in his image.” I know that my love for my children is a reflection of his love, therefore I am sure that this is from His love, too.

 

In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears  Psalm 18:6

Overwhelmed by Assignment

Its been a few weeks of planning, organizing, and enemy attacks. And its been hard. And I am weary.

Yet is in this moment I am reminded that God gives strength to the weary, so He is with me now.

I launched this site one month ago, at the very beginning of August. I also launched into my first year of homeschooling, at the very beginning of August. I quickly fell face down crying out, “Lord what have I done!”

Ever found yourself there, in that place of doing what you really want to do but so overwhelmed you think you’ll never make it?

As I sat there feeling overwhelmed I realized that I had just taken on two major life assignments: spreading the Gospel and raising three children of the King. I paused in that moment and tripped over the fear. I am not good enough for even one of those tasks. There is no possible way I  will be successful at either job. I have no idea what I am doing or how to do it.

And that is where the attack began.

I became paralyzed, allowing the long struggle of depression and anxiety flare up like a wild-fire: because I couldn’t do everything I chose to do nothing. I stopped writing, stopped teaching, and stopped reading. It was a full on break down!

And that is where God spoke.

In the hours of my breakdown I felt empty and useless. But the voice of my husband reminded me that I have beaten this before and I will do it again because God is on my side. He reminded me that the enemy is attacking viciously because I am embarking on a journey that will stomp him to the ground. And if I press on, not only will I be able to manage my assignments but I will be blessed throughout them.

I once heard Lysa TerKeurst say that as Christians we need to “Stay in Alignment with our Assignment.” (In fact, her book The Best Yes is pretty much about that. )  This time of walking in the valley has helped me to realign so that I can complete my assignments. I know what He has asked of me, and as I walk down this path I do so in the encouragement that he is with me.

Feeling overwhelmed by your assignment today? Afraid you are not going to make it? Comment below so that we can pray with and for you.

And take comfort in this: “The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace.” Psalm 29:11

 

Sinking My Boat with Blessings

Ever feel so tired of doing the same thing over and over? Like laundry. Or dishes. Or chicken for dinner.

Some days the mundane routine of our day after day can exhaust us, mentally and physically. Yet day after day after day we continue to put in the effort it takes. Packing lunches, cleaning bathrooms, changing diapers, wiping tables, fixing dinners, and mediating arguments. We go through our days in sequential order, filing them with our best effort at being a Godly woman.

How often do you pause in your mundane to experience the Master?

In the book of Luke, Jesus is teaching from aboard the boat of Simon Peter. Now Simon had recently wrapped up a day at sea. He was a fisherman, and he had just come in from a full day of work doing the same ol’, same ol’. He had docked his boat on the shore and was washing his nets wrapping up his day’s work when Jesus climbed into his boat. Jesus asked Simon to push out to sea just a little so that He could teach the developing crowd.

Lets pause for just a moment and ask ourselves this: Do you really think Simon wanted to get back in his boat?

Potentially just like Simon, sometimes the last thing I want to do is load the dishwasher for the third time today. And sometimes the last thing I want to do is open my Bible at the end of a very long day.

Thankfully, Simon obeyed.

And then his long day stretched into one of those never-ending kind.

After He finished teaching Jesus told Simon, “Put into deep water and let down your nets for a catch.” (Luke 5:4) This time Simon allows himself to speak out a bit and replies, “Master, we’ve worked hard all night long and caught nothing but at your word, I’ll let down the nets.” (Luke 5:5)

Notice that big, giant ‘but’ there… that’s where I stumble.

I begin with the same complaint, “I’ve done this a thousand times,” or “I’ve tried for days to get this done.” I find myself too bored or too frustrated to even consider trying again. I just want to give up. And when I allow myself to stop – even for a moment – I am missing the overflowing nets of blessing.

When Simon obeyed he filled his nets so full he had to call for backup. And both boats trudged into shore sinking because they were so full! When Simon agreed to allow Jesus to interrupt – even in its inconvenience – He poured out in abundance.

What if you and I could allow Jesus to stop us in the midst of our mundane to listen to His Word? Where is God asking for your faithfulness so that He can teach you? What is He asking you to do just once more so that He can pour into your world? What blessings would fill our nets?

Welcome!

I am ecstatic to finally launch this page! It has been years in the making, and I hope it lasts for years to come. I have blogged for a while now, and this new set-up is the start of the next phase.

God has given me a story to tell. This is it:

I am beautiful. And I am loved.

And so are YOU.

All of this because He chose to love me first (1John4:19). And I know without a shadow of a doubt He loves you too. Feeling tired? Overwhelmed? Dry? No matter who you are, no matter where you have been, and no matter where you are going: Jesus loves you right were you are. Come as you are and walk this journey called life step by step with me, searching for glimpses of His unending, beautiful love.

Together we will:

  • Dive deeply into the word once a month via the News and Notes. (Subscribe by email below and receive it in your inbox around the first of every month.)
  • Explore the relevance and application of the Word in our daily life on the blog, which will have a weekly post beginning in August.
  • Immerse our day in scripture and influence with posts on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter (find me with the links on the bottom of this page!)
  • Commit ourselves to seeing God at work in our life by interacting with others who walk with us

Come. Sit. Prepare to see God at work.

With love-

Stacy